What you allow is what will continue….
How many of you try to keep the peace at the expense of your feelings or beliefs? Keeping the peace with your significant other, your children/stepchildren, friends, parents, or co-workers can negatively impact several aspects of life if it goes too far. Not addressing how you feel, not sharing what frustrates you, not communicating what you expect are all examples of allowing yourself to suffer at the expense of your own emotional well being.
Protecting yourself and your well being
It’s important that you are protecting yourself and your relationship, by communicating and creating boundaries, which are absolutely necessary and healthy for everyone. Allowing yourself to ignore what bothers you is only going to lead to resentment. This isn’t healthy for yourself, your relationship or your family. As a mom, trying to please everyone in a traditional family is difficult. As a mom/stepmom in a blended family, you may find yourself in a more complex environment. It’s a more delicate balance of protecting yourself and your family. You may find yourself having to create boundaries around:
-How your household functions
-Your significant not making you feel safe or protected against high conflict bio mom’s
-Children/stepchildren that are rude or disrespectful.
Here is a basic example of where boundaries should be set
Dinner is always chaos for your family. The children are running around, your significant other and you never know what to make for dinner. Setting the table occurs at the last minute and the resulting dishes are often ignored. You respond to this chaos by making dinner yourself, setting the table and then cleaning up after. You’re secretly pissed off, but you think it’s easier to do it all by yourself then ask for help. You slowly grow resentful. You dread coming home to the same chaos. You start to become reserved or you're quick to snap. At this point your frustration is eating at your well being and becoming toxic to your family.
Chaos doesn’t have to continue...
Instead of trying to take on some sort of superhero status, communicate that you need help! Set expectations for everyone. Everyone will have a role at dinner.
-You and SO create a list of meals for the week
-The children set the table/clear it off
-You and SO wash the dishes.
There are consequences for not following the expectations. These should be set by you and SO. You’re a team, so play as one! This can look like:
-No TV or technology
-Additional chores around helping prepare/clean up after dinner
-Time out and resetting expectations
You need to follow through with the expectations and the consequences. This will help foster respect and communication, otherwise you will find yourself back to being pissed off with an unhappy family.
If you struggle to create boundaries, knowing you can’t continue to allow what’s going on, or you're unsure which ones are going to have the most positive impact for you and your family, please reach out to me. I want to help women like you create boundaries so you can focus on being the best version of yourself. Once you are the happiest you can be, then you can create the happiest version of your blended family. Please click here to learn more about how I can help you.
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